10 Oct 2011

Secret Society of Women- Personal account of a date rape story.

I was recently looking up some stories on the Internet regarding drink-spiking when I came across a site called 'Secret Society of Women'. This is a site in which women can write about things they perhaps feel uncomfortable about. I have read quite a few of these women's anonymous stories, but I then came across a date-rape story which has haunted me.
Here is an account of a woman who has experienced date-rape and all the alarming emotions that go with it including guilt, anger, regret, shame, hurt, nausea and worst of all, blame for yourself. Women need to realise the enormity of this problem and remember that it is something to never blame on yourself. Feel free to leave your opinions down below. This, like 'Secret Society of Women', can be posted anonymously.

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5:44 AM
" It happened 4 years ago...from what I can remember. My doctor says I have repressed the memory so I can't remember exactly when it happened anymore. But I think I was 19. I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of it. This is my story.

I was going out one night with a guy friend of mine (Let’s call him Alex). We decided to pick up his buddy (Let’s call him Sam) so we could all go to a party together. Then we went to one of their friends' houses (who I've never met before) to pre-drink before the party. I remember drinking only about 2 mixed vodka drinks there, and half-way through my 2nd drink I left the room to use the bathroom. I came back and finished my drink, and then we got in a car to go to the party. I immediately felt way too drunk for how much I drank at the house. I was in the backseat by myself, and I remember feeling sick. My head was spinning so fast, and I felt like I needed to throw up.

When we finally got to the party I puked outside the front door...before even getting inside the house…and after only 2 drinks. I can remember feeling so drunk I couldn't even walk on my own. Sam took me upstairs to use the bathroom, where I spend the rest of the time puking in the toilet. My female friend was there, insisting that she take care of me, but Sam just kept telling her that he would take care of me. Sam held my hair while I puked in the toilet. I couldn't even stand up on my own. I didn't know what was going on. I remember feeling so confused.

The next thing I remember is Sam helping me down the stairs and arguing with my girlfriend about taking me home. I guess she gave in because I was back in the same car, this time with Sam in the back seat with me. Alex drove me to my house, and I remember the two of them arguing about taking me inside. Alex was telling Sam to let me go on my own, and Sam was arguing that he should go in with me to make sure I would be ok. Alex must have lost the argument.

I remember getting a pail for myself in case I needed to throw up again. Sam took me into my basement so I could lay down. But he stayed. The next thing I remember is flirting with him. Then my membory goes blank again. Then I remember laying on the bed with him on top of me, inside me, and I was telling him to stop, begging him to stop. He just kept whispering "It's ok, shhhh, shhh, it's ok, it's ok" over and over. I kept telling him to stop. I remember trying to push him off of me. My arms were bent up at my sides; my fists were clenched hard near my shoulders. But I couldn't move my arms to push him off. I still can't understand why my arms suddenly couldn't move. I tried so hard to use them to push him off of me, but it was like they were frozen. Then I started to cry. And he started to say “shhhhh” again, while he continued to rape me.

When I was a child I used to have this reoccurring dream where I was being attacked and would try to scream but nothing would come out but a whisper. This felt exactly like that dream. Like I was trying to push him off of me, but my arms wouldn't work. Like I was trying to yell at him to get him to stop, but I could only whisper.

Then it all went black again. The next thing I remember is that I was actually starting to enjoy it. It started to feel good, and I remember getting on top. Then it all went black again.

The next morning he was still there. I was so confused. I didn't remember much from the night before. I thought what happened was because I wanted it. We cuddled for part of the morning and he made me eggs for breakfast. We ate breakfast together, and then he left. He told me to call him, and I remember thinking at that moment that I hated him, that I was disgusted by him, and that I couldn't even believe that he would ask me to call him after what had happened the night before. But I wondered why I thought that. I had no idea why I found him so revolting. I just knew that he made me feel sick then.

For the next 4 days I was a complete mess. I ignored my boyfriend's calls, avoided my family, and called in sick to work. I didn't know what was going on. I don't remember anything from the next 4 days until I finally realised (on that 4th day) that I had been raped. That it wasn't my fault. My dad confronted me about it and I told him what happened. He immediately told me that I had been drugged, but I didn't believe that until I researched the effects of date-rape drugs about a year later.

Now I know it was date rape. Everything about it screams date rape to me. And I hate that it happened. But I'm so thankful that I had a boyfriend who was so supportive of what I was going through. He could have hated me for it (especially since I thought it was my fault). He could have left me to find someone with fewer issues to deal with. But he stood by me through the whole thing. And so did my family.

I went to the police in hopes of stopping him before he could get to more girls. But after the officer interviewed him, she told me that it would be in my best interest to back out of the charges, seeing as she could "understand if I was making up the story so it wouldn't seem like I cheated my on my boyfriend." I knew then that I couldn't go through with the charges if even those who you are supposed to be able to go to for help trust the criminal over you. I lost hope.

Four years later I still think about it all the time. It tears me up inside nearly every day. I've gotten better. But I'm still not the same. I feel like I'm putting on a fake smile all the time. I can't even go to bars because I punch every guy that touches me. I can't control it. I don't even think. If a guy grabs me my mind goes blank and I hit him. So now I don't go. And I can't go to parties anymore if I don't know everyone there. Even with my boyfriend. The thought terrifies me.

I am constantly irritable. I snap easily. I can't laugh at myself anymore. And I stress out about things before they even begin. I stress so much that I break down in tears. Often.

Even being around men that I don't know -- at work, at school, wherever, makes me so uneasy, like I feel scared and vulnerable. And I hate them. I hate men that I don't know. I hate my boyfriend for not being there to protect me. I hate myself for not stopping it. I hate myself for enjoying it. I hate myself for putting myself in that position. I hate myself for not following through with the charges. I hate myself for continually placing the blame on me, rather than him. I hate that I doubt myself sometimes. And I hate myself for not being strong enough to get over it. I feel so much anger, sadness, guilt, and hatred each day. I can't be intimate with my boyfriend anymore. It feels wrong, dirty, disgusting. Even kissing him feels dirty. I've been going to counselling since this happened. And it's gotten better, but I am still not ok.

But I've recently taken the steps to try another route to deal with this. It is called Emotional Freedom Techniques and Somatic Experiencing. It's very difficult for me to do, but I'm hoping it works. It has to. Has anyone tried it before? If you have, please comment and let me know how these therapies have worked for you, and if you have any advice. I need to take the steps to get better. "

3 Oct 2011

Serial rapist convicted of 12 brutal rape attacks using rohyonol now walks the streets

Richard Baker, one of the most notoriously dangerous rapists in Britian was released from jail this month. This ruthless monster was convicted of 13 date-rape offences involving 12 different women and it seems he has more than likely committed more while working as a DJ in Torremolinos, Spain.

It has been said by an officer that he has never in his 30 years of being a police officer, been more frightened or worried about such a character in relation to the public's well being as long as he roamed the streets freely. It seems that his cold and chilling personality kept the judges on edge throughout the court case.

Chillingly, he told the court; “I just wanted to be totally, totally in control. I tried to terrorise my victims, tried to put so much fear into them".
He later said; “I just wanted to see their reaction, wanted to be in control, wanted to make sure they didn’t resist me and put up a fight and struggle.,”

He slipped the rape drug Rohypnol into the drinks of unwitting women and attacked them while they were unconscious. He had already been in prison for raping a 19-year-old girl in North Devon 10 years earlier and he had also been convicted of having sex with an underage 15-year-old girl.

The judge charged Baker and sentenced him to 4 life sentences but this month he was freed from prison to start the rehabilitation process at Chadwick Lodge, a medium secure unit on Eaglestone.
Here, it is understood part of his rehab therapy will be learning to mix with members of the public on regular trips out.

We believe this man should not mingle with any members of the public, especially after his chilling words in court that sounded a far cry from regret.

Women need to be aware of the dangers of men like Baker who even though have gone through treatment, can always snap and strike again.

Please leave your thoughts and opinion's and we will be glad to discuss.

26 Sep 2011

Drink-spiking - The rules of staying safe

Do you ever leave your friends to get home on their own?

Do you sometimes slip away home without letting your friends know?

Would you ever skip grabbing a cab just to save some cash?

Ladies and gents,

We hate to lecture you, but the truth is, It has to be done. You would think that now we are in the year 2011, we would be a little more savvy in regards to safety and caution when on a night out but sadly it seems we are not.
Drink-spiking offences are growning in numbers and theft and rape is happening in every city as a result of this. We want to give you some tips on how to enjoy a safe night out whilst 'Looking gorgeous and staying Safe'. (Our company's trademark)

1. Never allow yourself or a friend leave and get a cab alone

2. Never leave your drink unattended while you dance or talk to somebody. This is the key! Make sure to finish it beforehand or purchase another if it was left.

3. Always carry a drink-spiking detector strip in your wallet or purse incase suspicion arises.

4. Limit your usual alcohol consumption if you find it can be too much.

5. Stick to softer alcohol drinks instead of things like shots and potent spirits which can take great effect on the body very quickly. Keep an alert mind.

6. Do not accept drinks from a stranger unless you stand beside them when they purchase it.

7. Keep an eye on everyone in the group and make sure nobody is acting in a strange manner. If someone is acting out of character, talk to them or take immediate action.

8. If your drink tastes or looks a bit funny, immediately test it. Most narcotics are odourless and tastless though so watch out for any powdery substance.

9. Always be aware of the people around you. Be alert to any lingering characters or people with over-eager behaviour.

10.Always make sure your cab has a hackney sign before getting in. More and more people are faking taxi licenses.

2 Love my Lips have launched the 'Stay Safe Campaign' which was set up to combat drink spiking. The damaging effects on women and even men, really frightened us and so we have taken action. We produce a cardboard strip which contains 2 square patches which tests for the main date rape tablets/substances.

They come free with our premium lip gloss which come in 5 shades.
Our concept is to give women and men the power to stay safe and in control.

19 Sep 2011

85 year old woman sexually and brutally assaulted by a TV aerial fitter from Blackpool

'The Mirror'  recently released the story of an extremely elderly woman who was sexually assaulted in her very own home.

A TV aerial fitter entered her home in order to fit an aerial but with a vulgar and disturbing idea implanted in his mind instead.

A jury found Darren Penfold, 48, guilty of the attack and also administering a substance with intent to abuse her.
He managed to tamper with her whiskey and spiked her with some ecstasy type drugs.
She woke up the next morning (January 2010) only partially clothed and frightened.

She sobbed in court: “He’s altered my life. I don’t recognise myself as the same person'.

This story proves that drink-spiking not only effects the younger party-go'er, but it can effect anybody of any age in any place.

To think a vulnerable woman of 85 was treated so brutally in her own home really does make us feel ill!
Feel free to leave a comment in relation to this case or drink spiking.